The Annual OppiKoppi Naked Mile Run – Know your bones
“I know your bones are begging to step out of the wardrobe”” – aKing
(No more accidents, OppiKoppi organisers promises a tight grip on naked run implementation.)
“Last year things were a bit loose in the camp site, and we hope to keep it that way, but the naked run must just happen once.”
Organisers have said last year’s accidental double naked run should never have happened. “We have a fantastic team working on the festival, and they got carried away. They were just trying to help and we accidentally had two naked marathons in the camp site. We apologise to the viewers for this mishap. This year things will be tight.”
Also the annual dust road naked dash has become so popular that we have decided to get professional advice from a salted Comrades veteran on how to approach your race.
Do or do not, but run you should – Yoda.
It takes balls to run naked. It takes alcohol to then roll around in the dust like that.
Live your life, just run.
The OppiKoppi Family.
Advice from pro athletes (and a few rank amateur schemers):
- Choose the correct parents – you need the genes that will guarantee a skinny, anaemic look with strong legs. The correct genes will also ensure a good heart and lungs but no brain cells.
- Runners’ diarrhoea is a myth. As long as you finish quickly.
- If you ran in 2015 you need no other advice: Hoedvasdrukenvorentoe/Clutchyourjewelsandrun
- Ignore spectators and pointed fingers: Anger eats energy and plumage. (Also comments about Biafrarian parents. Them are us.)
- Bask in the glory. It is not a long race by boating standards, soak it in. The moments.
- Whilst in a state of bliss we seriously recommend making a few hard decisions coming down the final straight.
- Running in character, nice thought, it gives other people a chance as well.
- Remember to carbo load. Read: potato twist + Windhoek draught immediately before the race. Several Windhoekies make you quicker out of the blocks.
- Forget about setting “a realistic target time”. Just run. Oopketelstyl.
- A good runner is someone who has a good V02max. A good naked runner does not know what VO2max is until he runs into one at the small bar later in the evening.
- Mimic the race. The night before. No really. The entire audience is doing it as well.
- The naked run is naked: except for shoes and shades. And of course your Superman cape.
- There are usually no water points along the arduous 300 metre stretch, so make sure that you are properly hydrated.
- You can run in almost any shoes. As long as you’re styling.
- Friends who promise to run with and then withdraws pays for beers for the remainder of the weekend.
See you at Naked Mile Dash.
Don’t wear anything complicated and hold up your head.
You were made for victory (or large parts of you at least).
The OppiKoppi Family